Last week, I attended Dr. Lois Frankel’s Workshop run via Business Chicks.
She wrote the book Nice Girls Don’t Get The Corner Office. Somedays I feel like a bit of a nice girl. I didn’t really want to be told to be a bitch or narky or cruel. Thankfully – Lois wasn’t asking me to be that.

Here are my key notes from the workshop about being a nice girl – a few things really rung home for me and I’m hoping you’ll be able to grab some snippets as well.

1. Women don’t take things on unless they are 150% sure.

Is this you? Then honey, you need to take some risks.
I’ve worked with women who are constantly unsure. It is painful. The fact of the matter is that we’re all learning along the way – no one knows everything and as long as your information is truthful to your experiences then it’s good enough for me.
This is often why men will get the jobs we never applied for because even though they didn’t fit the bill 100%, then gave it a shot.

My advice? Give it a shot!

2. What did your parents expect from you when you were little?

Don’t cause trouble? Study hard? Do better than you do? Enough isn’t enough? Be an all rounder? It’s okay if you’re not first, its more important to take part?
My Papa would ask where the other 3% went if we got 97%.
My Mum let financial responsibilities be my Dad’s area of control.
The result? I feel like I haven’t achieved success unless I’m 100% happy with the result (=never!) and I let Vivek control financial responsibility. Please don’t get me wrong – I adore my folks and it has obviously worked for them. Will it work for me? Not necessarily. I need to make my own expectations for myself and my relationship which work for us.

3. Hard work does not get you ahead.

Lois talked about a woman who sounded very similar to me.
She was on an executive board and she didn’t want to go to meetings because she felt they were a waste of time. I often don’t want to meet people because I feel it’s a waste of time and I would rather be working.
Lois explained “meetings aren’t called workings”. They’re called meetings because you’re there to meet.

I’ve often talked about the power of catching up for a coffee.
I think I’m only just beginning to really feel the depth of it.

4. Media

Please don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate media.
But at the same time, I know I’m not as pure as a lotus in a dirty pond.
I actually try quite hard to avoid women’s magazines and the tv. I avoid gossip channels and “common speak”.
Why? Because I strongly believe it influences me.
Subconsciously.

When Vivek moved here, he didn’t know what racism felt like. So he wore his freshie on his sleeve.
Me? The news had already told me about it.
So if someone was rude to me, I didn’t assume they were having a bad day, I assumed they were racist.
Same goes for my body. If a girl looks at me funny in a store, I assume it’s because she thinks I’m fat. Not because my handbag is awesome.

Evie would love this – I’ve found a Gandhi quote for you:

“Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.”Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi

5. Everyday, I am going to fist bump my kids and say to them:

Be smart. Be healthy. Be strong.

My girls and my boys.

6. Women will often ask a question in lieu of making a statement.

If you’re asking a question, you’re opening the doors for judgement. If you don’t want judgement, then make a statement.
When she said this, I heard a “ding, ding, ding” go off in my head! I used to ask questions. I didn’t want to be wrong. I didn’t want to be judged. I wanted to keep the other person happy.

If you’re in the position to make the decision – then don’t ask the questions.
If you want to be inclusive, then say, “I’d still like to hear what everyone else thinks”.

7. Don’t tolerate jerks.

Aaahhhhh. Doesn’t this sound familiar.
If you are tolerating jerks – then you are swallowing your feelings – back into you.
Sooner or later, you’re going to blow up.

8. A new rule for the Kish+Co studio:

You are not allowed to complain, unless you have an alternative or want my help to find an alternative.

Complaining is just festering. So is bitching. It doesn’t have much room in my life. Because I’m about looking forward and I know my team is.

9. The Over-Explainer

Yep – this is me too. I feel you honey, I do. We just want to make sure we’re still liked!
But you know what Lois said?

“Fewer words strengthen the message, more words soften it”.
Nuff said.

10. Rich Vs. Comfortable

So many women I’ve met have an issue with money.
We under charge. We don’t want to charge. We’re #awkward about #money.

What is Rich? Is it Beyonce styling it? Is it the mansion in Toorak? Is it a Versace dress?
Rich is what you need to make be able to freely make choices in your life about how you want to live.

Do I want to be rich? Hell yes.
Am I going to stop feeling bad about that? Hell yes.
When you start to recognise the abundance, you know that you can have that abundance.

11. You’re not responsible for everyones happiness. So quit trying.

I don’t know about you – but I was taught this. Society. Family. Friends. Work.
My behaviour has always been to make sure that everyone is comfortable and happy. Often to the detriment of myself.
If they are unhappy, it’s their issue, not yours. You can assist, but you cannot own the responsibility.

12. Perfection doesn’t exist.

Good enough is good enough. Another reason why those smart boys are getting our jobs.
I love boys. I think they might feel left out here, but I’m realising we’ve got so much to learn from them. Our connection to companies like GWF, Simplot and Top Cut are thanks to men that helped us out.

13. Create your own brand.

My good cousin shared this link with me – have a read here. I never realised that I did this with Kish+Co and then with Kish & Evie. When people aren’t on LinkedIn and connecting with peers, it really surprises me. Get out there, share your story and tell me about you. I want to know how I can help you grow and how we can collaborate!

14. Aerodynamically, the bumble bee shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumble bee doesn’t know it so it goes on flying anyway.Mary Kay Ash

15. For your daughters

Individual & Team sports
Self Defence
Put them in all girls schools – the statistics show better results
Always believe in them – even if you wouldn’t have believed in YOU
Teach them about money, charity, savings, investments and spending

16. On crying

Excuse yourself and let it out privately

17. Treat others with abundance and the response will be wealth. Treat others with the opposite and the result will be poverty.

18. When folk talk about you – what do you want them to say?

Kish is so awesome, inspiring and switched on.

ACT ON IT.